Hey there! It’s my first blog post so yay for me! My name is Carolyn and I’m excited to be writing this today. You can learn more about me and my blog, Beside the Tree, if you’d like or keep reading for more about practicing non-judgement.
Lately I’ve been trying super hard to practice non-judgment. It’s so much more difficult than I thought it would be. I wonder how many people are aware of how much they judge in a day. I’m not just talking about being judgemental. I’m talking about all judgements and opinions, good and bad that we make every day. The things we say in our minds before we really think about the situation. For example, my day today has so far consisted of waking up and feeling generally not well thus causing me to think this morning is not going to be very fun. One judgment, albeit it a correct one. Then I was listening to an audiobook and I mentally gush over how much I enjoy it and how great the book is as well as the author. Another judgment. In so many ways we form opinions and judgments constantly about the most mundane things throughout the day. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with this as it’s completely human. However, sometimes I feel bogged down by all of my negative opinions and judgments, particularly the negative ones. It’s easy to be swept away in negative thoughts and judgements which can affect our mental wellness. Once they grab ahold, I feel stuck in my own head. This is why I am practicing non-judgment. I’d like to feel more in the moment and be more present. I’d like to have an outing where I’m not feeling exhausted by my own inner dialogue of judgements. So far it has been very difficult, but here’s how I’m trying to do it.
Practicing Non-Judgement
So I’ll break down the steps I’ve been using to help me stay in the moment and let go of judgements.
- Be mindful of the judgement.
- Restate the situation that was judged and stick to just the facts.
- Be empathetic toward others. Everyone is on their own path.
- Remember that an opinion is not fact.
- Notice improvement in attitude, do a happy dance, eat a chocolate croissant in that order.
It’s a pretty great list if I do say so myself, mostly for that fifth step. I’m ready for that step! But, I’ll put the work in first. I’ll continue with how I applied these five steps into my life.
Being Mindful of the Judgement
First of all, I try to be mindful and catch myself when I make a judgment. For example, I wake up not feeling well and start to think that the day is going to be unpleasant. I’ll recognize that and tell myself just the facts of the situation. I am not feeling well for now and this is what I know. The day is not good nor is it bad. It is just a day. When I point out the facts of the situation, it’s a big eye opener. For some reason, people, including me, take their opinion and judgement to be fact when it’s obviously not. Hooray for getting stuck in your own thoughts.
Catching myself has definitely been the hardest simply because it’s routine to judge throughout the day. There are some judgements and opinions that I want to keep, especially the positive ones. I’m not going to stop enjoying a book and stop gushing over the author. Likewise, if I’m upset or frustrated about a particular situation, I’m not going to deny those feelings. It’s been difficult balancing my non-judgement practice with accepting my feelings. Sometimes, they contrast too much. In the end, I’m trying to recognize the judgements that ultimately affect my happiness or positivity. So, if I read a book I don’t like, I’m absolutely going to judge it because at the end of the day this opinion doesn’t affect my positivity or happiness. versus Contrast this with waking up and automatically deciding that my morning will be stupid because I don’t feel well. This thought absolutely affects my positive attitude so I try to let it go! Bam! …that was me slamming the door in its face. Was it not obvious?
Judging Others…Like You Do
When it comes to judging people, I’m extremely guilty. I try to be understanding and empathetic and, for the most part, I am, or at least would like to think I am. There are so many actions that people do that I disagree with constantly and judge them for constantly over and over and over again without even meaning to. Some driver cuts me off and I think what a butt, he shouldn’t have done that. Then, this rather miniscule event stays on my mind for my entire drive. Um, yes. That’s definitely affecting my happiness even just for the day. However, when I take a breath and just look at the fact, the only one being that the driver cut me off, it’s not worth the frustration that comes with the judgement of this person’s character. Not to mention that we’ve all accidentally or purposefully cut someone off before and deserve a little bit of slack now and then, right? I know I definitely have.
As much as I hate to admit it, this judgement happens with friends too. A friend will tell me a decision they made or tell me how they feel about something and I’ll disagree or not understand and therefore judge. I recognize that my opinion is not better, but since each of us is our own protagonist in our own reality, our opinions always seem to trump those of others. Once again, I try to go back to the facts and if that doesn’t work, just a little empathy reminder will. A little mental tap on the shoulder to let me know that my opinion is just an opinion and not fact and what’s right for me isn’t right for everyone.
Conclusion
I’ve been practicing non-judgement for a few weeks and I’m certainly not perfect, but I’ve improved and that is something worth celebrating! Anytime we try to better ourselves and see improvement is a cause for a happy dance in my opinion! I am feeling less judgmental, though I do find myself falling back into judgmental habits especially when I’m feeling stressed. I try to go back to the facts and back to empathy when this happens. I’ve definitely noticed an improvement in my overall happiness and I feel more present and less in my head when I’m with friends and family. This by itself is a wonderful gift and why I encourage anyone to practice non judgement. It’s amazing how a small practice can benefit our mental health! Now, it’s time for that happy dance and chocolate croissant. Later!
Have you practiced non-judgement before? How did it go for you? What did you find was the most effective method of halting the judgements in their tracks? If you haven’t practiced it, would you want to?