Ever had one of those conversations where you can tell the other person isn’t listening? Maybe they’re staring at something on the wall or are just antsy to get to their turn to speak. We’ve all experienced this and, let’s be honest, we’ve all been that person. So I believe that now is the perfect time to talk about mindful listening. We all like to believe we’re good listeners, but what does it mean to be a good listener? It’s more than just hearing what the other person has to say. This is where mindful listening comes in. In this blog, we’ll be talking about what mindful listening is and how to implement it in your life.
What is Mindful Listening
To understand mindful listening, let’s define mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of being present and aware of what’s going on around you. So mindful listening is being present and aware of what the other person is saying to you. While this may sound easy and obvious, how many times has someone been talking to you and you’re only half paying attention? You may be distracted because you’re thinking about something that needs to get finished. Maybe you’re waiting for the other person to finish because you have something to say. Or you could just simply be distracted by the thought of ordering a chocolate croissant and wondering if it would just be too much. I have been especially guilty of that last one.
Whatever the reason, when we’re spending time with a friend it’s a good opportunity where we could and practice mindful listening. This allows us to increase the bond in our relationships and understand a loved one even more.
Ways to Practice Mindful Listening
The good news is practicing mindful listening is extraordinarily easy. I would say the toughest part is simply remembering to do it. Below I list four ways that you can practice mindful listening next time you’re spending time with someone you love. You’ll find that when you listen to someone with mindful listening they respond extremely well to it. It’s not terribly common to be listened to with such focus. People really appreciate undivided attention when sharing experiences, stories, beliefs, and feelings.
Stay Present
As I mentioned above, it’s not uncommon for our minds to drift and think about worries of the day, tasks on our to-do list, or other distractions regarding everything that is not currently in front of you right now. To practice mindfulness, you want to remain present. Try to keep your mind focused on the current moment and enjoying time with your loved one.
Whenever you find yourself drifting off from the present moment, recognize it, and gently pull your focus back to your friend or loved one. If you’ve found that you’ve been drifting off for too long, ask your loved one to repeat themselves that way you can give yourself another chance to be present and you can better understand what the other person is saying.
Don’t Interrupt
Sometimes it can be extremely difficult not to just interrupt with your own thoughts. It can happen to anyone. We all get excited to share experiences, thoughts, and anecdotes. However, it’s important not to interrupt the other person. Allow them to finish their entire story or thought before saying anything. Wait patiently for your turn to speak and allow the other person to have your undivided attention.
No one likes being interrupted, and yet many of us interrupt others. In general, it’s just a good idea to try not to interrupt one another. However, with mindfulness, it is imperative. By interrupting the other person they may feel sad, agitated, or shut down from their own expression. Keep your thoughts and stories to yourself while the other person speaks and acknowledge what the other person is saying. This way they know you are taking the time to truly listen to them.
Practice Non Judgement
Throughout the day we constantly make judgments and label situations, people, and things. Once we fall into this pattern, it can be really difficult to break it. However, it’s a good idea to practice non-judgment when spending time with the loved one.
For example, if someone is telling you a story about what they did during the weekend, you may think to yourself “Well that’s weird. I certainly wouldn’t have done that.” Try to become aware when you have these little comments, recognize them, and focus back on what the other person is saying. By continuing to do this, you may find that the judgments decrease and you’re more available to the other person.
Be Empathetic
Finally, being empathetic is a great way to incorporate mindful listening. It goes hand in hand with practicing non-judgment and by being empathetic you can practice non-judgment as well. It’s pretty handy. By being empathetic, you are understanding what your friend is saying and how they are feeling. You allow yourself to be open to their thoughts and feelings. Showing a little empathy goes a long way and you’ll be surprised by how much your friendships and relationships improve by being empathetic when others talk to you.
We all want to be listened to, understood, and empathized with. A great way to start is by practicing these mindful listening techniques yourself. Other people pick up on empathy and mindful listening and will often reflect it. You’ll be amazed at how mindful listening can improve your relationships. Try out the for practices above to implement mindful listening into your life today.